Putting my derriere in a chair

A writer friend of mine used this phrase in describing her greatest initial challenge. I can relate; it seems I've already missed my self-imposed Monday deadline. Back in the years when I wrote a bi-monthly column for the Somerville Journal, I never missed a deadline--having that external commitment kept me honest and motivated--scared of losing my gig, or both.

I'd like to find another chance to work as a columnist, even for a small paper, but so far no luck...so in the mean time, here goes.

I woke up this morning in a fog. Actually, I was half awake since about 5 am, tossing and turning. As the mid-term elections draw near, I'm getting mildly obsessed, praying for a Democratic victory and a partial end to the nightmare of the past 6 yrs. (Wake me when the George W. Bush administration is over). Lately I've been cruising over to Slate.com, listening to Air America (liberal lefty) radio, and even googling newspaper websites like the Nashville Tennessean and the St. Louis Post-Dispatch to see how things are in a few key battleground states. From what I can discover, it looks like the Dems are ahead in Ohio, RI, Montana, NJ, Maryland and PA. I'll be delighted to see Rick Santorum (a member of the far right who has equated homosexuality with beastiality) consigned to the sidelines, along with a bunch of his Republican bretheren.

But in Tennessee, things don't look so good. (Why am I not surprised?). Harold Ford, a moderate, light-skinned, "non-threatening," born-again Christian is trying to become the first African-American senator elected from a Southern state since Reconstruction. According to the Tennessean, (http://www.tennessean.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20061031/NEWS0206/61030052) Ford is now 8 points behind. Though I lived in Tennessee--as a student at UT/Knoxville 25+ years ago, I know the Southern darkness, the bigotry and fear which is the legacy of slavery, still remains. Witness the Republicans' use of a commercial that featured a comely blonde beckoning Harold Ford to "call me." It's the oldest trick in the book, playing on Southern whites' fear of miscegenation and the power of black men, to go along with one of their new tricks, accusing Ford of being soft on gay marriage and raising a cry that the institution of marriage must be "defended" from gay people.

Racism, homophobia--fears of race-mixing and gay marriage--the Republicans stir a witches' brew of hatred, fear and ignorance. In some parts of the country, like Massachusetts, their strategy is backfiring. In others, like in the great state of Tennessee, it appears to be working just fine.

Eventually, enough people will reject this tired thinking. In ten years or twenty, a black man will get elected to the Senate from a Southern state, and the miasma of racism will recede just a bit. Perhaps ten years beyond that, gay men and lesbians will be able to marry in all 50 states. It will happen. It just may not happen in my lifetime.

The Year of Living Dangerously

I've been reminded this year, by the passing of my godmother Doris, and of my friend and teacher Deborah--and by a variety of physical maladies--of the fragility of life, and its brevity. I'm still dealing with a kidney stone that appears reluctant to leave my kidney, and a sudden hearing loss in my left ear, which has wiped out about 2/3 of my hearing on that side.

Still, growing older has its benefits, as I've expressed in the piece below. On my good days, I actually believe it.

Today I have a voice, a rhythm, a flow-
which I didn't have at 20 or 35.
It was a tune I could not hear,
until Middle Age.

This year my hearing began to fade,
to wilt and disappear,
like my snapshots of New Zealand mountains
taken in my twenties.

But my inner voice-
internal rather than external,
which won't show up on an audiogram,
its frequency too high to be heard, even by dogs-
is coming in loud and clear.

It's a voice that only I-
with my weak left ear and fair right one-
can decipher,
a language meant only for me.

Is this a fair trade-
to hear less of the outside world,
and more of the inside one?
I'll be the judge of that,
and say 'Yes.'

And now for a political screed.......

In order to motivate myself to write something (since I finished my memoir collection), I wrote this Op-ed piece and sent it to the Globe. It may not get published there, but you can read it here and now....

“What Goes Around”

Judah Leblang/2006
Word count: 440

When I was 8 or 10, I remember hearing the expression, “What goes around comes around.” It took me a few years to learn what that meant, to watch folks acting out of spite or hypocrisy, and to see how slowly, eventually, that meanness seemed to roost on their own doorsteps.

In the last few weeks, I’ve been watching a textbook case of something going around, of a drama played out in Washington, DC.

Once again, the leaders of the “Grand Old Party” are demonstrating their hubris. One of their own, Mark Foley, (a semi-closeted gay man who worked to deny rights to his brethren), was caught, belatedly, sending inappropriate sexual emails to teenage pages. A multi-term congressman in a “safe” seat, he was arrogant enough to take foolish risks.

The party of “moral values” has been unmasked as the party of hypocrisy and abuse of power. Congressman Foley used his power to intimidate the young pages who had been entrusted to his care. Meanwhile, it’s become apparent that Dennis Hastert and other key Republicans were aware of Foley’s behavior, months if not years ago, and chose to keep that behavior under wraps to retain their control of Congress.

From the growing civil war in Iraq (yes, George, that’s what even your generals are calling it) to our huge federal deficit, our failed attempts at diplomacy, and our pathetic response to Hurricane Katrina and the people of New Orleans, our government has fallen short; our leadership and institutions have failed us.

In response to a stream of bad news, President Bush and Company have done their best to bring the public’s focus back to 9/11, to their claim that Dubya has kept us free from terror. Essentially, they have politicized the greatest American tragedy of recent years, using it as they couldn’t use Katrina, given their weak and shameful lack of response to that particular nightmare.

George W. Bush used his office to convince the American people that they were under threat from Saddam Hussein and his weapons of mass destruction. He used that same pulpit to stir fears of gays and lesbians, picking on a historically weak group to snag votes at the polls.

Until recently, the Republican’s strategy has worked like a charm. Until this month, when the lurid details hit the fan. Now, according to the opinion polls, voters are likely to turn the US House over to the Democrats in November. God willing, they’ll win the Senate, too. Finally, it appears the arrogance, mismanagement and cover-ups of Bush, Chaney, Foley and company have hit the fan.

Even our powerful president and his advisors can’t outrun the laws of karma.

Remembering Deborah

I've known Deborah Rose, my acupuncturist and friend, since 1988. Coming back from Ohio on September 8, I discovered (via email) that she had passed away on Labor Day...a great loss. Deborah was a true healer, a generous soul with a great sense of humor, a great capacity for listening, living in the present moment and drinking in life, and just being her wonderful self. She had been treated for breast cancer about 6 yrs earlier, had recovered, and then the cancer came back in May of this year.

Deborah touched hundreds, if not thousands of people during her too brief life. I am grateful to have spent time with her on this journey. At her memorial service, at the Cambridge MultiCultural Arts Center, there were about 150 people. Many spoke of their love for Deborah, of her good humor and great appetite for life. We will miss her. I miss her. May her spirit live on through her good works, and all the lives she touched.

Leave no stone unturned.....

The past month has been an adventure--a "rug pulled out from under me" experience, a series of life events I would not have chosen, if I could have influenced the master in the sky, or whoever is pulling the strings. Coming back from a trip to Ohio, on my first day back at work, I discovered an series of bumps or bites running up my left arm. Within a few days, the rash had spread along the tops of my shoulders, down my right arm, up my neck, etc, and the bumps had turned into welts. Meanwhile, I ended up in the emergency room at nearby Lawrence Hospital. It turned out that, after a 7 year break, I had another kidney stone...ugh! A few hours later, pumped up with pain meds, I was released and sent home with my strainer and an order to drink fluids, to move the stone through.

The rash continued to get worse. After a visit to a dermatologist at MGH, I got some steroid cream and some allergy medication, and fortunately, the rash disappeared. (It seemed I had an allergic reaction to work, and to the recirculated air and construction going on in our "sick" building).