Friday, October 03, 2008

It is what it is......

is my new mantra. I try to breathe, and just experience what's happening, even if it is not, in any form, what I would have ordered from the International Male catalog. Certainly, at the end of the old year (on the Jewish calendar) and the opening of a new one, life is not going according to my plans. During the summer, I met a wonderful man--kind, sensitive, cute, and initially involved with someone else. When that didn't work out (for him), and as we spent some time together, our "hanging out" turned into a few dates. Finally, I was able to express the feelings I'd kept carefully penned up inside me.

Until, over the past few weeks, it became clear that my friend has no time for relationship, and little time for me. Until it became obvious, when he did have time, that spending it with me wasn't a priority; (his former crush is coming down for a 3-day weekend). Finally, I thought I'd actually connected with an available man, where the attraction was mutual, where we could explore dating, and possibly a significant relationship together. Now, he just wants to be friends. I have a number of good friends and what I really want and need is a boyfriend/man-friend who is available, and why is that so hard to find?

If I just wanted someone--anyone--I could find 'him,' but with C the chemistry was there, along with many of the personal qualities I'm looking for: humor, kindness, sensuality, warmth, decency.

The rest of my life isn't going smoothly, either. On Wednesday morning, after spending a good three days in NYC over Rosh Hashanah, visiting with two friends, I was driving over to my office in Porter Square, Cambridge. As I was waiting at a light, a young man plowed into the back of my (new) car, pushing my Nissan Versa into the small Ford pick up in front of me.

The driver, who was piloting a Mazda SUV, must have been literally asleep at the wheel. He wanted to make a deal (and avoid reporting the accident to the police). But I declined his offer, and quickly learned he had only a Lebanese driver's license--and his insurance had expired. My car is at the body shop, I filled out the accident reports and filed a claim. This is my second accident (neither were my fault) in less that 4 months.

I'm starting to feel like there's a black cloud floating over my head. I guess the good news is that with all this tsuris, I have to write, or I'll lose what's left of my mind.


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